My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
