Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
