I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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