We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
