haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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