He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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