just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
