You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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