I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
