Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
