I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
