Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
