So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
