If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
