So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
