Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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