All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
