I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
