How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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