we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
