Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
