i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
