I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
