i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
