His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
