I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
