Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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