DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
