I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
