I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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