dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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