Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
