So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
