I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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