CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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