Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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