it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
