the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
