google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
