Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
