I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
