Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
