hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
