YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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