I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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