Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
