I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
