U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
