Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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