I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
