That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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